Bienvenue, Welcome, Bienvenidos, Namaste.
I am Cia Walling-Trout, the owner, founding owner, sole proprietor, and head owner of Museum of the Bad Brush, New York’s most enviable gallery cache of artistic treasures.
I never imagined myself as a curator, but then again, back in the early 1990s, young women with lucrative modeling contracts seldom considered pursuing the family business. Mummy and Dads collected tirelessly throughout my youth, always helicoptering off to Paris,London, and the Dutch country, but I paid them no mind, distracted as I was with my own creative endeavors. At that time, I couldn’t imagine a life that didn’t involve me sharing my passion through Jazzercise or my vocal gifts via ska. But two husbands and one Bainbridge Island Ferry accident later, I jettisoned my delicate bird bones back to New York to embrace a love that I could no longer deny: l’art (art).
The economic crash of 2008 was truly a travesty to everyone, except for me. Amidst the financial ruin of millions, I used a few well-timed Florida real estate sales to birth the Museum of the Bad Brush into existence. Populated with unethically sourced and stolen pieces in a variety of media, my extraordinary collection spans from the mid-Egyptian era to a few hours ago.
However, I realize that not everyone has the resources or good fortune to visit my gallery in-person, in the heart of Maspeth, Queens. And as committed as I am to neoliberalism, I do believe that art should occasionally extend beyond the rigid confines of affluent walls (albeit in a less breathtaking form to maintain the division of the classes). For that reason, I ecstatically offer you my Latest Exhibition - a card game opportunity for peasants and the upper middle class to bring art concepts into their own meager homes and experiment with that hoarded asset of the rich, creativity. With this parlor game, I hope that everyone in flyover states and far boroughs can enjoy my gallery’s transformative experience among their own friends, coworkers, estranged in-laws, and international business associates whose trust you have yet to earn.
So, my precious plebians, nourish your souls! Unleash your imagination! Heal from your boating accidents! Join me, wherever in the world you exist, at Museum of the Bad Brush and dive into my Latest Exhibition. For I am not only the art - we are the art, my dear, delicious hamsters. Prayers in every spirit’s tongue.
→ Experience it online, where the ignorant masses are not permitted.
→ Steal a copy? Only if you have the gall.
→ Art galleries and museums? Only for the elite.
→ Buy the only printed copy? If you have the means.